I was so scared to do the baby process all over again because my first was incredibly difficult for me. But it was what I knew I needed to do and it was the choice I chose to make; to continue on with having a family.
The first month was actually really good. Almost too good. The first 2 weeks were really rough, but I expect that's how it usually is for most people anyways. A woman's body goes through so much! Anyways, I was hoping the first month was bound to set the tone for the rest of this child's first year and I would be able to breeze by and actually enjoy my baby.
I guess God knew I needed to learn a lesson, so expectations kicked me in the face and surviving the day-to-day quickly became my struggle.
As I fed my baby, I would surf Instagram and Facebook. I kept comparing myself to other stay-at-home-self-employed-working-moms because even though they just had a baby or one within the last year, it seemed as though they never missed a beat!
"How do they do it??" I would say over and over again. "It's been 2 months and I still don't have my life back together! Let alone be able to work!" This led me to a little dark hole that maybe I should just quit my designing because obviously I can't seem to find the time while raising a family. But every time those thought arose, positive thoughts of staying true to myself miraculously floated my mind.
I need this. This is what I love to do.
Even if I feel like a failure, my family still believes in me. My sister-in-law is always sending me stuff I should try to make. My sisters give me opportunities to design for them which always helps me to get out of my mom-funk. And I can't help but feel like I have good ideas. Ideas that I can share with the world and might bring about future possibilities.
When I started this blog and my designing and Etsy shop, the goal was to never "make it big" or be the bread-winner. I just thought I could use my talents to bring in some extra cash. But of course the thought of actually possibly making a living off my Etsy shop has crossed my mind, and when that happens, that's when I tend to bring myself down.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, although my path through life isn't what I expected it to be, with a baby who sleeps through the night and takes 3 hour naps throughout the day, family comes first. And even though I'm making family my priority, one day I will be able to bounce back to designing and be able to focus more on my Etsy shop and DIY's.
So thanks, guys, for sticking by me even though I'm not a regular blogger. I really appreciate it.
I had no idea you were struggling! I feel like you are way more on top of things than me. I guess we always compare our worst selves to other people's best selves
ReplyDeleteIt happens all the time and all of us do it! On days when it's really bad, I turn into a hermit, so really no one ever sees me like that except my family.
DeleteLove this and love you! Being a mom is HARD and the last thing we all need is to feel like everyone else is doing it better. Nobody can raise your kids as well as you can, and nobody can design exactly like you can either. Your gifts and talents are unique and valuable, and you'll find the right balance for you and your family, and it will be yours, not anyone else's. Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteAmen! I cannot thank you enough for your sleep training outline! It literally saved me. She had a setback, so it's been a struggle again, but hopefully she can get back on track and start having a schedule within the next month or so.
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